My Why
Blogging is not what I have ever pictured myself doing. I am a very private person. I’m generally closed off to others, I don’t talk about my life, and I certainly don’t ask for help. Reading and studying my bible falls in my “personal space.” I don’t openly talk about reading my bible – not even to my husband. Which is weird, right? I should feel comfortable enough in my Christianity to want to share my experience, especially with my husband. But I’m not. And that’s why I’m here. God placed a heavy conviction on my heart that I’m not following the path He has for me, and part of that path is sharing my journey with you. I hope you bear with me as I tread this uncertain terrain of God’s calling.
Honestly, I really should’ve known I wasn’t on the right path because I was comfortable in my Christianity. What’s worse is that I wasn’t reading my bible. I had grown accustomed to only opening my bible during church on Sundays. I honestly thought that was enough. I gave all the excuses for not reading my bible at home, y’all. I’m too busy. I’ll do it tomorrow. I’ll start next week, or on the first of the month. Those dates came and went without me giving a second thought to opening my bible. I had been stuck in this rut for years. Years! One day, not too long ago, I felt this tugging on my heart that I’m not where I should be with the Lord.
For years, I’ve prayed about what my purpose as a Christian is and what God will call me to do. All I thought I was getting was complete and utter silence. I just didn’t realize at the time that He was actually giving me jobs to do on His behalf, but I was rejecting Him:
- I didn’t think I was the right person for the job.
- It was out of my comfort zone.
- I didn’t know enough about the bible.
I gave so many excuses as to why I didn’t think I could do what he had given me to do. (There are a lot of “I’s” in that sentence.)
The truth is, it doesn’t matter what I think. God gave me a job to do, and I failed to do it. Honestly, I did the same thing when He gave me this task of sharing my journey with you. He gave me a path to follow, and I dug in my heels. “I don’t know how to do this, Lord. Isn’t there something else you could have me do? Something easier?” Guess what He did? He showed me how.
He placed people and resources in my path that gave me just enough confidence to think I just might be able to accomplish this. But don’t think for a minute I still didn’t question. I prayed and prayed for guidance. Every single time, I would get reminded in some way (TikTok videos, verses in the bible, Sunday’s sermon) of exactly what He wanted me to do: study my bible and record my journey. It was my reminder that He will meet us wherever we are to bring us to where He wants us to be. (I mean TikTok? Come on!)
I know undoubtedly that at least part of the reason God has given me the task of documenting my journey is His way of making sure I stay focused on Him. I am notorious for getting distracted and then slowly straying off the path again. However, I don’t believe that’s His only purpose.
I truly believe this is also meant for others who may be struggling just as I am, or simply as encouragement for you to stay on the path God has given you. God knows your heart the same as He knows mine. He knows us all to the very depths of our being. He knows us better than we know ourselves. After all, He made us.
Do I think God will give us more than we can handle? Absolutely. Because we don’t know what we can handle. As long as we are following what God has set before us, we can do more than we ever imagined we could. That’s my hope for this journey. I’m learning to trust the future He has for me rather than the one I had planned. It won’t be easy, and I will undoubtedly stumble. But my faith in God far surpasses my faith in myself.
I honestly don’t know where this path will lead or what this journey will look like, but I would love for you to follow along as I learn to navigate the hills and valleys of following God’s voice. I want the words on these pages to be God’s, not mine. I want the community we build to be for God’s glory. I want this to be a place of learning and exploring with grace and prayer.
I’m not eloquent, and I’m learning just as you are. So, any grace you can give me would be greatly appreciated. I encourage comments so we can all discuss and learn from each other. We all have room to grow in grace, lessons to teach, and glory to give. My greatest hope is that my journey brings joy and understanding to those who read the words God puts on my heart.